For anyone who really ... and I mean REALLY knows me ... knows that I'm not a big fan of kids. It sounds horrible just writing it!! .. Its not that I hate them or anything.. and I have no idea where it came from too. My mother used to say that I had to get over my "thing" of children and old people. Maybe because I wasn't as wonderful as she is with them... but then ... maybe that's where all this insecurity started. She shared so much of herself with other kids ... and she often called them her kids and they often called her their mom .... maybe I just didn't want to share my mom ... maybe ... after all she was mine ... go get your own .. .
so perhaps that selfishness has manifested itself into something deeper ....
Babies - Babies are fine ... the don't do much ... but they get heavy after a while ... (gorsh I sound like Jake's Grandmother from 2 1/2 men!) They are beautiful to look at .. the miracle of birth... But I'm grossed out by the process OF birth that I see on TV .. OH! except water birth ... that makes so much sense to me!.
Toddlers - they are fine ... but they get so unruely ... how do you tame kids? And now that I live in a country where spanking is against the law, how do you teach a child respect, draw lines and boundaries without them turning out like Politically Correct American kids who will call the police on you if you slap their hand for digging into the cookie jar?
Kids - I like well behaved kids. Nothing drives me up a wall more than badly behaved kids. And that, I know is subjective. A badly behaved kid is not one who is running around in excitement or playing too roughly ... its the one who answers back.. Then again ... I am a firm believer in the Child Whisperer .... a child is only as badlly behaved as a parents allows them to be.
Anyhoos ... on with the story .. yes on with the story.
I needed a job, or at least some way to learn the language while making a bit of dinero to spend here in Expensive Norway (lol). A kindergarden was suggested. And thus began the plight, culminating after 2 months, in my first day of school.... barnehagen ... as its called here.
I must first admit that it took this long because I was very apprehensive. Did i REALLY WANT to work in a Kindergarten. That would mean being with kids all day long; hearing them talk and not understand them; having to deal with badly behaved kids and have no legal means of setting them straight. ..... did I really want this?
I walked in toting a bag filled with rain and warm clothes, extra shoes, rain pants .. everything that i could need for a trip outside... whatever the weather.
Norwegian names are now hard. They were not like that before. In fact, I think it was the government that prevented people from having many different names. So its NOW a fad to have a cool and different name. So of all the names that I learnt that day ... I remember ... a sum total ... of .... none.
I would be working with 1 and 2 year olds. The ones who are supposed to sleep all day, move slowly and eat alot, and not have that big of a vocabulary.
I was banking on the fact that we were perhaps at the same level in language .. these kids and I. The one thing I totally forgot, is what they would be learning is not how to meet people and where-are-you-from sort of conversation, but animals, colours, shapes etc . I hadn't reach there yet in my studies ... so it came down to the sentence "Hva a det?" Which I really hoped was "What is that?"
Of course what ever they told me ... I would just smile... because .. chances were... I didn't know it either.
Our group had 3 teachers/Assistants and I would be the 4th.
I honestly assumed that with any new job you would either have to shadow someone, or someone would be with you the whole time.. I mean we are talking about people's children here aren't we?
I had asked one of the ladies to please speak to me in Norwegian. If I didn't understand something that she said, I would ask her.
I followed her in a maze that the kindergarden was to where we would spend the day. Kids, as I past by, were staring at me like I was from a totally different planet. Its hard to gain confidence when the most honest of human beings looks at you strangely. They only show on their face what others around you are sometimes good at masking.
They are only children ... and you are bigger than them ... I kept chanting to myself ... trying to find the confidence I needed to start the day. It was obviously in some place where it could not hear me!
I walked into a large play area filled with 11 kids. All of different ages and heights from 1 to 2. There was one child crying. I remembered her from the first time I came there. She had cried for the whole time. She cried playing in the sad .. she cried ... oh no .. she actually was screaming. But she was screaming and doing things! It was like that was the way she breathed! She walked around doing things and screaming. So odd.
The Kids were darling. It was hard for me to get close to them because they were so afraid of someone new.
"Ok. We go outside now" the main teacher said.
"Everyone?" I asked..
"Everyone!" she replied.
I had to go and put back on all the clothes that I had. I knew that what u wore to work at Kindergarden with small children and what you wear as "home clothes" is going to be pretty much the same. I couldn't really sit on the ground too much because my jeans were a little too tight. I didn't have a pair of tights to destroy OR a sweat pants.
"Can you dress that one?" Someone said to me
I looked at the organisation. Every kid had a section, had their name on their pram, had a box for diapers with all their own stuff in it. The organisation alone is amazing! And Overwhelming.
I took the clothes out of the box.
Now, let's put this in some perspective. I am from Trinidad. We have summer clothes. We only wear summer clothes and when it rains .. some people think "it making cold' and put on a sweater. All this tights and jacket and gloves and understockings and fleece and ting ... I have no idea about. I could barely dress MYSELF here and I have to dress a child? Hmmp!!.. Learn Jaemie .. Learn ... "
A little direction and I dressed the little boy. I couldn't believe the things that I should know! How on earth do you buy clothes for kids??? It must cost a fortune! Of course I put things on back-to-front and ting. And it was only after we were outside playing in the rain that I realised the little strap at the end of the rain clothes was supposed to go over the shoes .. and NOT the socks ... no worries ... it stays cleanner that way.
All bundled up we took the kids outside.
It was not as cold as I thought it would be, although I know that I had on alot of clothes for the first day because I was not sure how cool the inside of the kindergarden would be.
Long story short I stayed with 2 of the little boys. One was moving on his knees around the swing area leaving a line as his little boots dragged along the mulch. The other was on a little cycle trying to push. Neither of them was into walking. Two of the other teachers were with about 5 of the kids playing in the sand, while the other teacher was playing with the rest of them on a big tyre swing.
I think this was the time when I started wondering to myself....
What the hell am I doing here? I didn't know what to do with them?
Everyone, as if by queue, went inside, and I was left with these 2 kids. Trying to get them to walk was obviously not the right thing, as one of the teachers came along and whisked one away in her arms. I continued walking with the other. I'm a firm believer in making kids walk. I think its good for them. All these strollers and prams for kids is over done. (I say this now... but I know the real benefit to parents when arms are free and there is extra "drop stuff" space)
Inside we headed for lunch. I think it was the most eye opening point. Everything is sanitized, I'm sure. There was food on the table, on the floor, in the hair, on the clothes and everywhere. Only one kid gets fed. Everyone else can eat for themself. But yet again, I felt helpless and pretty much like a fool.. How does one communicate with kids, if one is supposed to be in the business of teaching them their OWN language; stimulating them with their OWN words???? I couldn't even ask "Do you want more" ?
Once lunch was over ... it was time to change diapers. Oh joy.
"Can you change her diaper, Jaemie"
"Sure"
I took her to the spot where the diapers are changed. She explained yet again an important documentation of what happened in the particular diaper. I was impressed. You document that? interesting...
She walked away.
I looked at the child looking up expectantly at me. I looked back at where the woman had walked away.
The last time I changed a diaper I was SEVEN! And this lady leaves me alone like if I've had 10 kids and knows just want to do.
Ok ... Ok .. no problem .. How hard can it be? ... I picked up the kid and started to the process. Between the time when you take off a diaper and put back on another one, I started back agast...
"Oh my Gorsh!" .. I stepped back. I stared horrified at what I saw.... did I cause that? .. this is disastrous..
"His pee pee is broken!".... I thought to myself that that could not be. Surely he would be crying. I took a closer look. Oh .. no ... its just very very small.
What did I really expect from a 1 year old?
N.B. The last time I changed a diaper I WAS SEVEN!!!.. This is NOT like learning to ride a bike.
I put on the diaper, and saw 5. .. hmm .. 5 .. what did that mean?? ... was that for the front or the back? ..
Some how the diaper didn't look quite right. So I turned it over and started again ... hmm .... still ... is this right?? ... Why does this look so wierd?
"How ya going in there" I heard a voice over my shoulder.
" Ummmmmmm .... which way is up?"
She laughs and tells me the tabs are always at the back. Note to self. When yuh ha yuh baby.. de tab is to de back!
That accomplished, it was sleep time.
That meant a whole new set of "sleeping clothes" pacifiers, Cuddle Clothes, stuffed animals and all the things that will make them sleep. All very warm clothes.
"We have to get them in very warm clothes and they all sleep in their prams outside" one teacher said.
"Outside" .. I was looking at her with disbelief
"Yes!" hmm.... interesting
And they all slept outside. The temperature was 9C and they slept outside. They slept outside.... I'm still trying to get over the fact that they all slept outside. Except one.
She finally stopped crying and was loving the attention that she got from 3 teachers. She was brilliant with reading and words and sentences for a 2 years old. Perhaps she is a little Einstein in the making? Who knows ... you never know with kids.
This is the only time that it was quiet. Each teacher had their "paperwork" to do. It was filling out internet updates for parents, filling out books that they do for each child to ensure that their parents have a picture documentation of what their kids were doing each day.
The documentation is amazing. Its very good as well. I'm sure it puts the Parents at rest and makes them feel like they are not missing out on their kids development so much.
It was lunch time for me and it was a time of meeting other teachers...They all seemed very nice, friendly and many of them knew each other from before or were related. It must be such a pleasant place to work.
Things really slowed down from there.
For the rest of the afternoon, I started wondering if this was something that I wanted to do for a long term; if by some miracle, I would turn into this child magnet and be able to communicate fluently, be as comfortable around kids as my mom. Perhaps that would happen one day ... .. Oh Pleeeease .. who am I fooling?
At the end of the day it was just 2 of us. We were having fruit with the kids. I think I had had alot for the day already. I was tired and very overwhelmed.
There was no conversation or communication between us 2 teachers. She manned her side of the table with the kids and I manned mine. At one point in time I thought maybe I wasn't there. Silly me. Maybe she's just not good at talking.
She reached over and broke apart some fruit for one of the kids on "my" side.... I could have done that... Just ask me. Would you like me to leave? Would you like these kiddies all for yourself? Gorsh ... she didn't even look in my direction .... I really might have just been a piece of fruit ... chewed up and spat out but a very hungry boy.
Maybe I should have been more talkative. This was really not making the day have a "happy ending".
Once food was done, we went back in for play. I finally got some of the kids playing with me and having fun. One by one Parents came along and it was wonderful to see their faces... both the kids and the parents of a reunion.
I hadn't stop looking at my watch waiting for 4 pm to come along ..... since 12:30pm.
It was now 3 pm. I had 3 children playing and I was actually starting to feel that I could do this ... albeit in very small doses.
Suddenly things start getting packed around me by the teacher. She seems a little angry to me. I have no idea what is going on. I assumed that we have to pack things back up .. but I'm not sure where .. how or why... I started helping her ... or at least trying to.
I wish she would just say what she is doing. Maybe she didn't want my help? Maybe I was a thorn in her side. Whatever it was, she was not being very friendly.
By the time I realised that she was taking everything off the floor and clearing it for proper cleaning, she had done it all already - No help asked for there. No problem superwoman.
After that it was watch and follow. No direction. I was left to figure out what was happening.
The last kids left and I still had 20 mins to wait. At this point, the friendliness had made me start to melt... in my eyes at least.
A cute Half chilian boy came up to me and asked me something. I had no idea what he said... I looked back at an older boy working there for a short while with a helpless look on my face...
The little boy repeated what he said ... There were adults all around .... Why couldn't anyone translate for me what this little cutie said? Maybe that was the last straw for the day for me... I fought back irritation in my eye...
At 4 pm.. I looked for the teacher to tell her that I was leaving. She spoke to me in Norwegian asking if I was ready. Yes I was. I was very ready ... you can't imagine how ready I was to leave.
As I packed up my things I cleared everything that I had planned to leave away, convinced that I would not spend another day in this place. This was not for me .... not all these kids and certainly not these feeling of incompetence and inability or unfriendliness.
I wish that I could say that it was a funny, exciting, thrilling or even just exhausting day. The whole day was one that I don't think I would ever forget... althought I would really like to..
I got into the car and was so overwhelmed with all the feelings that I had... I started to cry.
I cried all the way home and then cried some more at home.
I couldn't believe how horrid it seemed to me. It was just like a horrid first day of school.
But that doesn't mean that I won't give it another try. If its one thing that I must be here ... its step out of my comfort zone .... and I must learn this language ... or... By George... I won't make it here....
Besides .... Whey yuh say? its better I break someone else's kid ... and not mine .... right?
be of good cheer it will get easier with time
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