Driving Test .... the test of faith or failure

Ok ... So I failed ....

From the moment I realised that I had driven off without my seatbelt, I knew that I had failed and all I really wanted to do was to turn back, thank her for her time and go eat a bucket of ice cream to console my seemingly string of failures all of a sudden here in Norway.

Then later on, she told me to turn around ..... too late for me .... there was a school I could have turned around in, and I ended up driving for almost 5 minutes just to find a place to turn around.  I knew that that was the end of the day. 
Oddly enough I think it would have been better if I didn't hear it from her ... or if I got it on a computer generated paper that said FAIL .... I think it would have been better for me ... I don't know .. who am I fooling ... failing is failing .... but I'm so not accustomed to it ....
If it is one thing that Norway is teaching me ... it's how to beat myself up after I fail at something.  And like most things in life .. the bad things always outweigh the good things ... so no matter what other things I manage to 'pass', each failure seems to paint over the good things with a heavy coat of dark red paint.
I tried to be confident and calm and all those things ... but it feels like things just are not going 'my way' here .... and it makes me just wish to be back in a place where I am familiar with faces, where my face looks the same ... where I don't stand out as much, where I understand everything that people say, where I can get a job and make my own money, where I know the system and can work it or get around it or just deal with it, where I am somebody ....... anybody ..... and not a nobody .... like I feel in this place.
It's become so hard to put a smile on my face these days ... so hard to live up to a standard that people expect from you..... so hard to be me ...... just me ... the happy, bubbly always planning ... making people laugh ... me ....
I don't know where she went to ..... she's hiding somewhere ... and does not want to come out to play .... anymore ....

And through it all I just think of my mom .... and know that I can be as strong as her .... as resilient ... and gracious, as brave  and as giving ... and maybe .. .just maybe if I focus on something positive , being so far from what I love ... and what I want won't be so difficult ... so  painful anymore.

But failures are a part of everyone's everyday life.  And there are people in this world that have it so much much worse than me.  And my baby complaints and 'failures' are nothing compared to what others have been faced with for all their lives .... and I thank God that He has been gracious to me ...  that His mercy endureth forever, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am a conqueror, than I am an heir to a throne one day, that He ordains my steps and knows the future better than me ... and that His plans for me are to help me ... and never to hurt me, and as long as I have life , I have a responsiblity to make the most of it and be a blessing and to rise up out of my 'pit'.

Just maybe ..
Whey yuh say??

-Failure doesn’t mean that you are a failure; it does mean you haven’t yet succeeded.

-Failure doesn’t mean that you have accomplished nothing; it does mean you have learned something.
-Failure doesn’t mean that you have been a fool; it does mean you have a lot of faith.
-Failure doesn’t mean that you have been disgraced; it does mean you were willing to try.
-Failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it; it does mean you have to do something in a different way.
-Failure doesn’t mean you are inferior; it does mean you are not perfect.
-Failure doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life; it does mean you have a reason to start afresh.
-Failure doesn’t mean you should give up; it does mean you must try harder.
-Failure doesn’t mean you will never make it; it does mean it will take a little longer.
-Failure doesn’t mean God has abandoned you; it does mean God has a better way.

Borrowed from https://deelyee51015.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/