The Driver's Test and what really happened....

Ok .. so everyone by now knows that I failed my first driver's test in Norway ... well EVER actually.  That Last post was really so sad ... geezzz .. get over it Jaemie!  Anyhoos I thought that I should perhaps let everyone know what really happened.
It was a great day, I was confident and I was SURE that I would pass. Everyone said that I was good.  I had driven with 3 different instructors and they all thought that it was very comfortable to be in the car with me.  So I had all the confidence in the world!
Until I met the Examiner
She was a little lady with a slightly mean face.  I have to admit a part of me wished that I got a man.  Just for the pure sake of that age old saying.  Anyways, we shook hands and I got into the car.
She started in Norwegian.
'Can I see you receipt to see that you have paid'
Sure! There is was
'IDennfglejfgej' ..... huh? .... 'IDenelfneof' ... OMG .. what was this woman saying? .. I stopped for a moment and tried to process the word to make sure that I had it right or that I can find what it could possible be similar to in English ..... Nothing.
I started to panic ... She rolled up her eyes at me and I immediately started feeling like a complete fool.  She repeated again.
'I'm sorry' I told her ' I don't understand'
'Can I see something to prove that you are who you say you are'
OH! ID! ... I blubbered around in my wallet and took out my trini Driver's Licence....  uh no Jaemie ... that most likely would niether be smart nor accepted. I took out a Norwegian ID and gave it to her.
My mind started racing... this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship I thought.
She changed to English, asked me to turn off the car completely and went through the rules of the day. Do exactly as I do when I normally drive, radio, talking etc.  Be comfortable.. Easier said than done now missy!
She asked me to pick a number from 1-9 .. I chose 7. Joy ... that was the question that I had debated with my husband as to why it was really dangerous.
The question was if it was dangerous to drive a car if the power steering didn't work.  My rational was that if we didn't have power steering before it became standard in all modern cars did that mean that we were driving dangerously way back when? ... and Power steering really is just to make it easier to turn a wheel ... nothing more.  I reluctantly said that it was dangerous, but on retrospect maybe in a round about way.  She was obviously annoyed that I didn't give her a straight answer.
We were ready to go.  'When you are ready drive'
So off we went.  My heart racing.
PLING! PLING! PLING! What was that?????...
You gotta be kidding me ....
I forgot my seatbelt! I started out of the car horrified that I could actually do that.  I almost never forget my seatbelt ... In fact ... there have been times when I go to put on my seatbelt and its on already ..... that is how much I have it on automatic now.
I considered asking if we should just turn around and go back.. Surely that MUST have been reason enough for failing ! She said nothing.  So we just continued driving.
I turned totally internal.  Something JA told me afterwards is always when I don't do as well. When I get quiet ... it doesn't work for me! ...
We continued driving and I tried my hardest to remember every single thing, right of way, signals, car placements ... speed, slow down properly and well in advance.
Things seemed to move fairly in my direction after that.  I thought that we would surely go up in a well taken 'difficult' small old road that you had to stop alot in 'Meeting points'. But no that was not my fate.
She asked me to turn into a road I had NEVER heard of before. WHERE? .. I looked desperately for the sigh .. constantly repeating the word outloud to myself so that I would not forget it.  There it was. I had passed this road many times but my driving instructor and I had never been in it before.
When we turned into the road, she asked me find a place to turn around. Ok that sounded easy enough.  There was a road coming up on the right ... but I could not be sure that I would be able to find somewhere to turn around in there since I had never been in there before.  There was a sign .. I couldn't see what it was ... ARGH .. it was a school .. there would have definitely been somewhere to turn in there! .. Missed that one. NEXT!
OOOH! .. Here is another road ... but  think that I'm going too fast to turn into there nicely enough ... too bad .. that was a school too ....
Ok .. so I need to find a place to turn around .... I passed a bus stop and thought .. ok , I'm sure after the bus stop there would be another road and whatever it was I would turn into it and try to find a place to turn around.
Lucky lucky me. ..... There was nothing. The road made a swing to the right and then my worst fears were confirmed. 
Sea to one side and Rock and hill to the other.
SERIOUSLY???? ... For as far as I can could see ahead of me, that was what I saw...
This can't be happening to me .... Please don't be happening to me .. I started to panic again and looked around frantically for the slightest opportunity to turn around.  The road looked like it would take us very far away (if all we intended to do was turn around).
Finally she said something
'Have you understood the instruction? We can't drive any further! You MUST find a place to turn around'
In a total state of panic I finally found the first road off of that LONG DISMAL MILE and tried to find the first semi good place to turn around.
I could see that it was not the VERY best place and that the space was small.  Yet I knew that I could turn around in  3 points. But to my utter horror .. here came another car while I was halfway in the road AND the Examiner was looking around in sheer horror at the reverse that I was doing.
Well ... we were back on the road and I was sure that we should just drive all the way back to the Start.
Instead we turned into yet ANOTHER road that I was not familiar with. This time I totally missed the big yellow sign on the left hand sign searching for the road to turn into.  I just swung into it hoping that it was correct.  It was ... PHEW ... but maybe it was too sudden of a turn for the lady.
After that, I decided that I would just smile... Since I was pretty sure that I had failed and this lady was looking like she had had it for the day.
All this time, I didn't speak to the lady. There as no pleasant talk about the day, the weather, children or anything. I thought that I just wanted to totally concentrate on everything that I was doing.  But Like JA said ... when I'm quiet, things don't seem to go as well. 
We continued driving and finally reached back to the driving center.
She asked the question.
'Ok so how do you think that you did?'
Seriously lady? You scared the CRAP outta me from the word go, I nearly crapped my pants when I realised that I didn't put on my seatbelt, I could have flung myself out on a curb when I realised that after one little swing I was stuck with a WHOLE LONG ROAD to find somewhere ... anywhere to turn around.... and you ask me how I think it was? ... hahah . ok ..
I started to talk about the fact that I couldn't find a place to turn around..... and was about to say some other things, when she interrupted me impatiently and said,
'Ok I'll let you know how it went.  I'm sorry to say that you did not pass this test.'
All of a sudden I couldn't understand English... What? Didn't pass??? ok I know that I should have failed from the word go with the seatbelt, but then shouldn't  you have just said so and not wasted both your and my time? ...
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes...  .. I knew that I would have to wait another month or more before I took the test again, I felt like a failure having let my husband and my instructor (who had sooo kindly come OFF his vacation just to help me out) down, and more importantly, I let myself down!
I couldn't believe this was happening.
When she finished all the things that she had to say, she wrote them down and then the tears started falling down. 
I didn't even have the heart or mind really to say thank you ... I just got out of the car and walked straight over to my smiling husband.  It was then that the reality of the thing hit.  I walked straight into his arms, buried my face in his shirt and started to sob like a 6 year old who just hit her knee.
So was the day of my drivers test.
Of course after the fact, my husband chose to tell me that he failed his test 2 times before he got through! Really? Twice???? ... You could have told me that before, that was I wouldn't feel like it should have been easier! ..
But such is life, and life is such ... ( as I say) ... and we must fail to succeed.  I have consolded myself with the fact that it was all for a reason, maybe to get me off the road??? Maybe to protect the car? I don't know, but what ever it is, I am grateful for God's intervention in it.
All I know is that next time, I don't care WHO it is, I'm going to make sure to drink LOTS of sugar before and TALK MY HEAD OFF!
Whey yuh say?

Driving Test .... the test of faith or failure

Ok ... So I failed ....

From the moment I realised that I had driven off without my seatbelt, I knew that I had failed and all I really wanted to do was to turn back, thank her for her time and go eat a bucket of ice cream to console my seemingly string of failures all of a sudden here in Norway.

Then later on, she told me to turn around ..... too late for me .... there was a school I could have turned around in, and I ended up driving for almost 5 minutes just to find a place to turn around.  I knew that that was the end of the day. 
Oddly enough I think it would have been better if I didn't hear it from her ... or if I got it on a computer generated paper that said FAIL .... I think it would have been better for me ... I don't know .. who am I fooling ... failing is failing .... but I'm so not accustomed to it ....
If it is one thing that Norway is teaching me ... it's how to beat myself up after I fail at something.  And like most things in life .. the bad things always outweigh the good things ... so no matter what other things I manage to 'pass', each failure seems to paint over the good things with a heavy coat of dark red paint.
I tried to be confident and calm and all those things ... but it feels like things just are not going 'my way' here .... and it makes me just wish to be back in a place where I am familiar with faces, where my face looks the same ... where I don't stand out as much, where I understand everything that people say, where I can get a job and make my own money, where I know the system and can work it or get around it or just deal with it, where I am somebody ....... anybody ..... and not a nobody .... like I feel in this place.
It's become so hard to put a smile on my face these days ... so hard to live up to a standard that people expect from you..... so hard to be me ...... just me ... the happy, bubbly always planning ... making people laugh ... me ....
I don't know where she went to ..... she's hiding somewhere ... and does not want to come out to play .... anymore ....

And through it all I just think of my mom .... and know that I can be as strong as her .... as resilient ... and gracious, as brave  and as giving ... and maybe .. .just maybe if I focus on something positive , being so far from what I love ... and what I want won't be so difficult ... so  painful anymore.

But failures are a part of everyone's everyday life.  And there are people in this world that have it so much much worse than me.  And my baby complaints and 'failures' are nothing compared to what others have been faced with for all their lives .... and I thank God that He has been gracious to me ...  that His mercy endureth forever, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am a conqueror, than I am an heir to a throne one day, that He ordains my steps and knows the future better than me ... and that His plans for me are to help me ... and never to hurt me, and as long as I have life , I have a responsiblity to make the most of it and be a blessing and to rise up out of my 'pit'.

Just maybe ..
Whey yuh say??

-Failure doesn’t mean that you are a failure; it does mean you haven’t yet succeeded.

-Failure doesn’t mean that you have accomplished nothing; it does mean you have learned something.
-Failure doesn’t mean that you have been a fool; it does mean you have a lot of faith.
-Failure doesn’t mean that you have been disgraced; it does mean you were willing to try.
-Failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it; it does mean you have to do something in a different way.
-Failure doesn’t mean you are inferior; it does mean you are not perfect.
-Failure doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life; it does mean you have a reason to start afresh.
-Failure doesn’t mean you should give up; it does mean you must try harder.
-Failure doesn’t mean you will never make it; it does mean it will take a little longer.
-Failure doesn’t mean God has abandoned you; it does mean God has a better way.

Borrowed from https://deelyee51015.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/